Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
