She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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