you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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