On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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