At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize