her vagina looked like bernie madoff
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
