Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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