I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How naked do you want me to be?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
