This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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