i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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