So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
