she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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