I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
