2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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