I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
