i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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