if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
