I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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