It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
