Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
