idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
