Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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