go do what you do best...puke behind churches
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
