Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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