the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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