Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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