this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
zippers are such a cool invention
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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