Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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