apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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