Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
