I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
