I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
