Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can I color on your dick again?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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