I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
