guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Semen is not good for contacts.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
