Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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