remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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