hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
