You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
