I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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