he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
