i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
