You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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