Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize