I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
