I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
