have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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