I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
love makes seman taste better
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
