remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
