i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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