I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
