Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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