i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
