Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
