so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
