its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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