Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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