i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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