He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's rum buckets o'clock
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
