he wants to bone in the snuggie
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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