she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize