how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
