he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
