remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
