You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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