Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
