Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
