I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
