I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
