I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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