Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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