you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
