He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
