mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
