when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
