You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize