At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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