Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize